Project management software that makes project managers obsolete

Filed under Grab Bag | Posted by PMStudent

Start packing up your office.

It all started when machines started taking over manual labor. Then, much of skilled labor also started being displaced by the technology our best and brightest could engineer.

It’s finally happened.

Project managers are are no longer required

I’m announcing the Projectizer 2010 today, a marvel of ingenuity so advanced that some speculate the technology may be of extra-terrestrial origins. This project management software is a cross-platform, fully configurable solution with modular design.

Total Cost of Ownership (TCO) is very low (much lower than you’d pay a project manager)! The flexible performance and re-usability from project to project makes this a must-have for your business. And, it works flawlessly right out of the box as a complete enterprise solution.

How it works

project management software

by snofla via Flickr

The project management software in the Projectizer 2010 automates the project workflow by extracting requirements directly from your stakeholder’s brains through a wireless neural link. Using the same (NLT) neural link technology (patent pending) the Projectizer 2010 is able to issue commands to your project team on a real-time basis, even pre-programming your human staff (known as “drones” from here forward) while they sleep within a 2-mile radius of this revolutionary project management software.

The best part? No gantt charts, schedules, monte carlo analysis, traceability matrixes, etc. All of that is handled internally by the Projectizer 2010. Occasionally, the project management software might see fit to transmit status data through NLT to a project sponsor, stakeholders, or team. All decisions like these are made flawlessly by this fantastic alien project management software.

What about remote teams?

No problemo!

For remote teams and stakeholders, a convenient add-on will allow the Projectizer 2010 to issue commands and programs via a remote AJAX-based module located at the drones’ location. Updates to the project plan will be communicated directly and immediately, no refresh required.

Testimonials

“All this training and experience, I thought I was the one keeping these projects from going nuclear. I guess it was the software, all along.” – Some guy

“Wow. I mean wow.” – Some other guy

“You project managers were tools crazy, and it’s finally caught up with you! Muahahahahaha!” – Josh

“Hey, is that project management software PMP certified or what?” – Confucius

So, run out and license your copy of Projectizer 2010 today! And, stay tuned for our next release, Project Staff Enterprise Edition.

Projectizer 2010 price: 34,000,000 Baloneyan credits

April Fools from pmStudent! Did you win?

Leave a comment and let everyone know what you think of the Projectizer 2010, I’d really like to get some more testimonials!

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