Thank you for the great comments on the PMStudent interview.

I have some suggestions on the question concerning how to deal with a stakeholder who may choose to ignore the information you are communicating or may become defensive.

I would try to spend some 1-on-1 time understanding this stakeholder’s concerns. Be sure to capture the essence of what they are saying by “reading” their verbal and non-verbal cues (tone of their voice, eye contact, facial expressions, etc) to better understand what they are truly saying. They may be saying one thing, but not saying something directly that is completely different. One way of putting it is “listen to the ‘words’ AND ‘music’ of their communication. Let them know that you are listening intently by using good eye contact, leaning slightly forward, and facing them squarely. If you are not meeting with them in person, talk to the person on the phone rather than using email to help prevent misunderstanding their message and to pick up on some of their indirect verbal cues that may be lost via email.

Once the stakeholder has finished a thought, paraphrase the thought back to them to help insure you completely understood them. Use phrases like, “Just to make sure I understand you….”, “So, you feel…”, “So what you need is…” This will let the stakeholder know that they are really being listened to and this should help them become less defensive.

Try to express neutral empathy – you don’t have to necessarily agree with them, but try to understand their underlying needs.

Try to use open ended questions that cannot be answered from the stakeholder with a simple “yes” or “no” to help uncover their underlying needs.

Hope this helps! If you are interested in digging a bit deeper, I produced a couple of pm411.org podcasts on “Sympathetic Project Manager Leadership” (episodes 006 and 007) that go into more detail on this topic. They can be downloaded at:
http://pm411.org/2007/05/20/podcast-episode-006-sympathetic-project-manager-leadership-part-1-of-2/

Ron Holohan

Thank you for the great comments on the PMStudent interview.

I have some suggestions on the question concerning how to deal with a stakeholder who may choose to ignore the information you are communicating or may become defensive.

I would try to spend some 1-on-1 time understanding this stakeholder’s concerns. Be sure to capture the essence of what they are saying by “reading” their verbal and non-verbal cues (tone of their voice, eye contact, facial expressions, etc) to better understand what they are truly saying. They may be saying one thing, but not saying something directly that is completely different. One way of putting it is “listen to the ‘words’ AND ‘music’ of their communication. Let them know that you are listening intently by using good eye contact, leaning slightly forward, and facing them squarely. If you are not meeting with them in person, talk to the person on the phone rather than using email to help prevent misunderstanding their message and to pick up on some of their indirect verbal cues that may be lost via email.

Once the stakeholder has finished a thought, paraphrase the thought back to them to help insure you completely understood them. Use phrases like, “Just to make sure I understand you….”, “So, you feel…”, “So what you need is…” This will let the stakeholder know that they are really being listened to and this should help them become less defensive.

Try to express neutral empathy – you don’t have to necessarily agree with them, but try to understand their underlying needs.

Try to use open ended questions that cannot be answered from the stakeholder with a simple “yes” or “no” to help uncover their underlying needs.

Hope this helps! If you are interested in digging a bit deeper, I produced a couple of pm411.org podcasts on “Sympathetic Project Manager Leadership” (episodes 006 and 007) that go into more detail on this topic. They can be downloaded at:
http://pm411.org/2007/05/20/podcast-episode-006-sympathetic-project-manager-leadership-part-1-of-2/

Ron Holohan

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