Start packing up your office.
It all started when machines started taking over manual labor. Then, much of skilled labor also started being displaced by the technology our best and brightest could engineer.
It’s finally happened.
Project managers are are no longer required
I’m announcing the Projectizer 2010 today, a marvel of ingenuity so advanced that some speculate the technology may be of extra-terrestrial origins. This project management software is a cross-platform, fully configurable solution with modular design.
Total Cost of Ownership (TCO) is very low (much lower than you’d pay a project manager)! The flexible performance and re-usability from project to project makes this a must-have for your business. And, it works flawlessly right out of the box as a complete enterprise solution.
How it works
by snofla via Flickr
The project management software in the Projectizer 2010 automates the project workflow by extracting requirements directly from your stakeholder’s brains through a wireless neural link. Using the same (NLT) neural link technology (patent pending) the Projectizer 2010 is able to issue commands to your project team on a real-time basis, even pre-programming your human staff (known as “drones” from here forward) while they sleep within a 2-mile radius of this revolutionary project management software.
The best part? No gantt charts, schedules, monte carlo analysis, traceability matrixes, etc. All of that is handled internally by the Projectizer 2010. Occasionally, the project management software might see fit to transmit status data through NLT to a project sponsor, stakeholders, or team. All decisions like these are made flawlessly by this fantastic alien project management software.
What about remote teams?
No problemo!
For remote teams and stakeholders, a convenient add-on will allow the Projectizer 2010 to issue commands and programs via a remote AJAX-based module located at the drones’ location. Updates to the project plan will be communicated directly and immediately, no refresh required.
Testimonials
“All this training and experience, I thought I was the one keeping these projects from going nuclear. I guess it was the software, all along.” – Some guy
“Wow. I mean wow.” – Some other guy
“You project managers were tools crazy, and it’s finally caught up with you! Muahahahahaha!” – Josh
“Hey, is that project management software PMP certified or what?” – Confucius
So, run out and license your copy of Projectizer 2010 today! And, stay tuned for our next release, Project Staff Enterprise Edition.
Projectizer 2010 price: 34,000,000 Baloneyan credits
April Fools from pmStudent! Did you win?
Leave a comment and let everyone know what you think of the Projectizer 2010, I’d really like to get some more testimonials!
Related posts:
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s 90% complete!
Heeeyyyyy… It was 95% complete last week…
I am familiar with a person who is beta testing the integration of Projectizer 2010 with StakeSense 2.0, an automatic requirements generator. This person is reporting significant reductions in TCO, since there is no longer a necessity to have humans from multiple organizations attend scheduled status meetings. This improvement, coupled with a 100% complete understanding of requirements between stakeholder and vendor, is anticipated to provide even greater cost savings.
BINGO! I won!
Hey Josh,
Thank you for posting this! I initially was very concerned after downloading the Beta and realized a very large flaw within Projectizer (as noted on the developers site). If you create a project that denotes any negative remarks on the use of functionality of Projectizer the task is immediately renamed to “Initial Reporter Is Jealous of Me” and assigned to your manager! What do I do?!?
Just follow the Projectizer’s lead Eric. It’s decisions are flawless, even if us mere mortals don’t understand it’s ways.
Josh – man, you got me… I so was ready to put Projectizer 2010 on my holiday wish list!
Don’t get too excited Ron… The PMO-izer is on it’s way soon…
~
Hi Josh,
Are there more add-in available for Projectizer 2010?, I need one that automatically distribute work packages between contractors to obtain the lower cost and sent the requirements directly to the brains of the contractor’s team. Would I need a non-disclosure agreement previously?
That’s the beauty of the Projectizer 2010.
All those features are built in, using the Neural Link Technology (patent pending)this project management software will issue commands and gather status directly through the wireless connection to the frontal cortex of all drones, contractors too!
Fantastic, PM with a great sense of humour, keep up the good work.
Josh, I understand there is a already a competing version in the works somewhere in a garage in Redmond, Washington, USA….. This one is code named the “Sodomizer”……..
As I understand the rumor, it is being developed specifically for CONTRACTORS to use for claims purposes against owners…….
But the important thing to remember that “a fool with a tool is still a fool”- albeit a more PRODUCTIVE one…….
BR,
Dr. PDG, back in Jakarta
http://www.build-project-management-competency.com